A Behemoth Among Us: The Underwood Standard No. 3

Salutations!

I took a brief hiatus from ye grande ole interwebs in order to focus on some projects (namely, the Royal). However, Friday morning greeted me with a new resident at my doorstep:

This.

Well, at least this is the box that arrived at my doorstep. I felt sorry for our mailman--a tiny man approaching seventy--dragging this out of the back of his van and depositing it upon my porch. I would have aided him if I were able, but I am recovering from recent knee surgery and am still using crutches, so there is no way I could have lifted it, let alone carried it.

And on the stoop it stayed until my husband arrived home from work. The postage would reveal why; at nearly a dollar a pound, the shipping price was a few cents shy of $59.00 (the ebay seller, treasures-4-fun, only charged me a bit over $44.00 for the shipping from Pennsylvania and did not ask for reimbursement when it turned out to be more than the estimate). The box dimensions are roughly 20"Lx14"Wx12"H. Here's an illustration of the sheer size of the thing:

This is not your momma's M-16 ammo can.

Oh wait, that may not be the best indication of size, either. How about this?

'Big' sister First on 'Little' sister Behemoth's shipping crate.

The Royal is a very average-sized typewriter, so this photo should be a better comparison. But, I digress. Not only were we impressed with the sheer size and weight of the crate, but we were impressed with its craftsmanship as well. The seller had taken a few extra days to send it, informing me that a crate was being constructed just for this enormous typewriter. We actually had to remove screws to take the lid off and get the typewriter out! Both of us commented on how much it resembled a foot locker, and since I have an affinity for boxes anyway, we decided to keep it. This is what we saw as soon as the screws were removed from the top of the crate:

Oops! We put her in backwards!

There was absolutely no wiggle room for this monstrosity in the crate. Just looking at it, I began to suspect the weight of the packing material itself couldn't be over three pounds, which left another fifty-two to be taken up by the sheer hulking mass of this typewriter. Never in my life had I layed eyes on a typewriter larger than many small engines [in person]. I allowed it to sit in its crate for a spell while I just wondered at the enormity of the organized mass of metal before me.

Behemoth, in all her pre-cleaning glory.

My husband was more excited to take this beast out of its box than I was, it seemed. And he finally did, not long after. We both gaped at it for a while, then tentatively tried out the keys. The seller had said in the description that this was a non-working typewriter, so I was expecting a condition similar to that of the Royal. However, we found that most of the keys moved. The platen is in desperate need of resurfacing, as there are large cracks in the rubber. Some of it even crumbled away in my hand. The shift and spacebar mechanisms do not work; the pulley for the advance was sitting in the box, stiff and frayed, so I suspect I'll have to get a new one. However, with a little WD-40 and some playing around, all but the 'L' key now move freely. I suspect that this will be an easier project than the Royal.

Keys and type bars.

Upon closer inspection during cleanup, I noticed that the keys looked as if they had had typewriter oil spilled on them a long while ago, as it darkened the paper beneath the glass keytops. We then turned it around to find the date; the last patent year it listed was 1923. And there, caked on the back of the machine was more ancient typewriter oil, like cosmoline on an old battle rifle. Given the size of the typewriter and its age, I wondered to myself what battles it had fought in the word-war; if it had been in a newspaper office, written pamphlets for military recruitment or struck out the praises of prohibition on its now-dead platen. It obviously had a story and oh, if those keys could talk!

'Caked on the back of the machine was ancient typewriter oil, like cosmoline on an old battle rifle'
.

The now-dead platen.

The graphics are still in good shape, we discovered after a quick clean-up, and everything that no longer works (spacebar and shift keys aside) have to do with the top of the machine. With a little love, I believe this will be a fully-functioning typewriter again. It would be interesting to typecast on, to be certain. The first thing we're going to tackle is that platen, and then we'll see where it takes us from there. I'm really looking forward to diving into this project...and have an equal amount of dread about disassembling the Royal.

Before I sign off I would like to take a moment to sing the seller's praises; the communication was fantastic and I feel they really went above and beyond the call of customer service. They had good, clear photos and a very accurate description and have been just wonderful to work with. It's very refreshing to work with such a great seller, and we will buy from them again!

Do not use fifty-plus pound typewriters as thrown weapons!


-Anna Strad.